Fighting can be the worst, but it doesn't have to be. There are some things you should never say when arguing with your spouse. Here are the 7 things:
- “You're being irrational.”
This is a common phrase that people say to their spouse when they're having a fight. But is it really effective? Not really.
The word “irrational” has negative connotations, which can make your spouse feel attacked and defensive. Like when someone calls you “crazy” for having a different opinion, or saying something like “I told you so.”
You may be trying to get your spouse to see things from your perspective, but if you use this phrase, it will turn into an argument about who's right and who's wrong — which is exactly what you were trying to avoid in the first place!
- “You're overreacting.”
“You're overreacting.” is one of the worst things you can say to your spouse when they're upset. It is not only dismissive, but it also implies that their feelings are invalid and that there's no need for concern.
This phrase can add fuel to an already-tense situation, making it more likely that the person will become even angrier or more upset. It can also make them feel like they're being judged for having those feelings in the first place.
It's important to remember that your partner has their own unique perspective and may be experiencing something differently than you are. They have different triggers than you do, and even though it might seem like a small thing to you, it could be something much bigger to them.
- “You've always been this way.”
Sometimes married couples just get into arguments, and one or both people say things that are unfair or untrue. However, if you find yourself in the middle of an argument with your spouse, there are certain phrases you should avoid at all costs.
The most common phrase that is often used by couples during an argument is “you've always been this way.” This phrase can be particularly harmful because it suggests that your partner is not capable of change and their behavior will never improve. It can also make it seem like they have no desire to change the situation at hand and they will never listen to what you have to say.
However, if you find yourself saying these words during an argument, you need to stop immediately and take a step back from the situation. It's important to remember that during an argument, we tend to say things that we wouldn't normally say outside of such circumstances — especially if we feel like our partner isn't listening or understanding our point of view.
- “This isn't about you.”
When you're in a fight with your spouse, it can be tempting to try and dismiss the other person's perspective by saying “this isn't about you.”
It's a knee-jerk reaction for many people. After all, as humans we've been trained to believe that when someone says something negative about us or our actions, it's because they have an issue with us personally — not because they have a legitimate concern that needs addressing.
But when you're in the middle of an argument with your spouse, this is not the time to try and brush off their feelings by telling them “this isn't about you.”
If you say this in an attempt to invalidate your spouse's feelings, then it will only make things worse — not better. It's like saying “I'm right and you're wrong” or “my way or the highway.”
The key is not to invalidate their perspective but instead listen and understand where they are coming from before trying to resolve things together. If they feel like they aren't being heard or understood, then they'll just get angrier and angrier until one of you finally gives up altogether out of frustration.
- “I'm not talking about this anymore.”
You're probably tired of hearing this phrase. It's used in families all over the world when spouses are fighting. But it's not a good way to end an argument.
For one thing, the phrase indicates that the person saying it has given up on the conversation. And if you've been arguing for hours or days or weeks, then that's understandable. But if you've only been arguing for a few minutes? That's pretty bad. It shows that you're giving up too soon and that there isn't enough effort being put into resolving the conflict at hand.
Another reason why saying “I'm not talking about this anymore” is a bad idea is because it makes you look like an immature kid who doesn't know how to handle his emotions properly. This can lead to further arguments later down the road because your partner will be frustrated by what they perceive as your inability to properly communicate with them in times of conflict.
Instead of saying “I’m not talking about this anymore,” listen to what your spouse is saying. Take a deep breath and say something like: “I hear what you’re saying. I know this is hard for both of us. We need to figure out how we can move forward together.”
This approach is called empathic listening, which means listening without judging or criticizing. It also means being fully present in the conversation and showing that you care about your spouse by asking questions about their needs and feelings before responding with your own thoughts or feelings.
Empathic listening allows couples to connect emotionally, resolve problems and build stronger relationships through shared understanding rather than blame or conflict. When couples use this technique during arguments, they are able to see each other’s perspective more clearly and effectively address their problems as a team instead of against each other.
- “You always bring up the past.”
The statement “You always bring up the past” is one of the most common arguments in any relationship. The problem is that this statement is often used when you are fighting with your spouse, and it can actually make things worse.
The reason why this statement could be detrimental is that it makes you sound like a victim. It also shows that you are not willing to address the current problem at hand, which is exactly what your spouse will be looking for.
Instead of using this phrase, try using some other phrases that do not sound so accusatory but still have the same meaning. One example would be: “I understand that you feel hurt by what happened in the past, but we need to focus on our current situation right now.”
- “Why can't you just let it go?”
When someone says “let it go,” they are essentially telling their partner that they should just forget about what happened in the past and not think about it anymore. But this is impossible because the person will always be thinking about the situation. There may be moments when they don't think about it at all, but there will always be times when their thoughts turn back to the argument or issue at hand.
A better way to help someone get over an argument or disagreement is for them to talk about how they feel and share their thoughts with you instead of asking them to bury everything deep down inside of themselves. This lets them know that you're willing to listen and understand where they're coming from, which helps them feel like you care about what happens in their life — even if you disagree with some of their opinions on certain topics.
Saying the wrong thing when you are fighting with your spouse can be a devastating mistake, not just for your relationship, but for your entire family. It is crucial to think before you speak. Even if you are in the heat of the moment, take a deep breath and consider how your words will affect everyone.
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