How To Love Again After A Divorce Or Break-Up
It's normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can last for a while. You may even feel anxious about starting another relationship. But rather than let these negative feelings dominate your thinking, it's helpful to find ways to move past them.
Divorce or a break up can be a very painful experience. However, you have to keep moving on life, and that includes giving love another chance with someone new.
Is it possible to love again? Yes and no. You will never love someone the same way that you loved your ex-partner nor the other way around. However, you will be able to find someone who will understand you and give you the love that you missed from your previous relationship.
Here are some ideas for when you first start dating after divorceor break-up
- Talk to your kids (if you have)
Talk to your kids about it when you’re sure this relationship is going somewhere. You don't have to mention the divorce or break-up unless they ask. It's okay if you're still hurting from the end of your marriage, or if you're upset about something your ex did. It's not okay if you use them as a sounding board for the problems with your new relationship (or use the new relationship to vent about your old one). If they want more information, assure them that they'll hear it from you first.
- Be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with others.
Think about what went wrong in your last relationship, and how those same issues might crop up in a future relationship — even with someone new. If a potential partner cannot accept your whole person — including your flaws and problems — then move on until you find someone who can.
- Readiness.
Getting into a new relationship soon after the breakup of a previous one is called rebound. This happens when we want to avoid the hurt, loneliness, and pain associated with a break up.
There's nothing wrong with having feelings for someone else when you're still working through your last relationship, but there's a big difference between having feelings and acting on them. If you are going to date anyone before the ink is dry on your divorce papers, make sure that you are ready for any and all consequences.
- Boundaries.
While getting into a new relationship during the process of a divorce may cause friction with your ex-spouse, it can also cause problems in court if you are seeking child custody or alimony in your case.
Think about what you are hoping to accomplish by dating while divorcing. If you feel that you absolutely must date while you are in the process of divorcing, please make sure that you exercise appropriate boundaries with regards to your spouse and children. It is neither fair nor kind to put those who have been hurt by your decision to end your marriage into an uncomfortable situation where they might feel forced to interact with someone who has caused them pain.
- Avoid the Same Mistakes Twice.
One of the biggest obstacles to finding love again after a break-up or divorce is being able to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made that resulted in the demise of your relationship.
It's not easy to look at all the things you did wrong when you were married and realize that you had a hand in your own downfall, but if you want to avoid repeating the same mistakes again with someone new, it's an important step.
Often it's things we don't even think about (or are doing subconsciously) that lead us into the same traps over and over again. In order to heal and move on after a divorce or break-up, it's important to consciously make changes in your life so that you're not bound by old patterns of behavior.
Consider keeping a journal to track what happens in your life day by day. Writing down what happened, how it made you feel, and what actions you took will give you clues as to what your patterns are.
- Get Rid of All Reminders of Your Ex-Wife or Ex-Husband Except for One.
If you can't avoid all reminders of your ex, then keep one. You will have to deal with this one reminder for a period of time, but that is far better than dealing with many reminders.
The only reminder I suggest keeping is the wedding band. The wedding band reminds you that you are no longer married. This is helpful when you start to date again and make it less likely that you will be unfaithful or get involved in an affair.
Keep the wedding ring in a drawer or on your desk at work. It will remind you of the divorce and help you move forward from the divorce.
- Don't be Afraid to Get Out There and Meet New People.
One way on how to Love again After Divorce is Don't be Afraid to Get Out There and Meet New People.
This is a scary time for many people. You're still coming to terms with the fact that you no longer have your spouse and life partner in your life, and now you're expected to go out there and meet someone new?
It's not easy, but it's something that you have to do. You need to get yourself out there and start meeting new people. Put yourself in situations where you'll meet other singles, such as attending singles events or joining an online dating site. The more people you meet, the greater your chances of finding happiness again with someone new.
- Be Prepared for Disappointment and Rejection, but Don't Give Up Hope!
Getting back into the dating scene can feel like a roller coaster ride full of butterflies, excitement and hope. But there may also be times when you feel disappointed or rejected because you didn't get the outcome you wanted.
- Don't Settle for Less than What You Deserve!
If you know what your requirements are then don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Not everyone will appreciate or understand your needs so don’t date someone who does not fit with what you want out of life.
- Have Fun!
Have fun with friends! Go out and try new things! This is one of the best ways to love yourself again after divorce because it’s all about having fun and forgetting about the past for a little while. Take a class for something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do–cooking? Painting? Take your dog (or borrow one from a friend) out for a walk in the park. There are plenty of ways to have fun that don’t require spending money–just get creative!
It is easier said than done right? We are not suggesting that you should go out and get drunk or hooked on drugs! Love again after divorce or a break-up, means taking care of yourself and having fun with your friends. Some great advice is to follow famous people and learn how they handle divorce/break-up and see how positive they can be even in the worst situation.
